As much as I try to make light of infertility and find some humor in it, many of us will never have children - borne by us or anyone else. And, quite simply that sucks.
I actually think that there isn't enough support or awareness for those of us who never have children, not by choice (full disclosure: not my term). I've been to Resolve meetings and to their Web site, and I believe that they have a definite message of hope, which isn't necessarily bad, but I think some reality checks are necessary, too. They also stress different options for building your family, but I haven't seen much for those of us who may never have that option (we are still desperately waiting for our now 40-month old son in Vietnam).
After years of being womb warriors with no success, many of us are emotionally, physically and financially exhausted, and using a gestational carrier, adopting and fostering isn't an option any more. So, we become childless, not by our own choice, but by other difficult circumstances.
I have recently become acquainted with two amazing women, who also fit that far-from-ideal description, Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos and Lisa Manterfield. They have both written incredible books detailing their experiences of infertility and their decisions not to be mothers.
Lisa's book, I'm Taking My Eggs and Going Home is a beautifully woven, but raw and honest tale of her journey through infertility and making it out on the "other side" - that is, the one where she decides not to be a mom. I plan to write a proper review of it later this week.
I'm only a few chapters in to Pamela's book, Silent Sorority, but I am riveted.
I highly recommend them to anyone who's made the painful decision not to be a mom, for whatever reason.
I'll be writing more on this topic over the next week or two. There are more of us out there than you might realize.