Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Nauseated, but not 'cause I'm pregnant

Seriously, if one more Facebook friend posts a "so excited about school starting"; "I can't believe little Suzy is in the third grade"; "saw my baby off on the bus" or "I'm going to miss the lazy summer days," I may just puke.

My lil' ol' barren uterus and bitter lil' brain just can't take one more status update like that. I think I need to retaliate, but with what kind of comment? Something subtly snarky would be good. Perhaps I should mention that instead of buying school supplies, I bought a sweet pair of red patent-leather wedges; that instead of going to meet my kid's teacher, I went to the hot new restaurant in town; that instead of prying my kid out of bed in the morning, I got a few more minutes in at the gym.

Yep, you got it. Really I'm just a wee bit jealous. Damn fertiles. If only I could pry my way from Facebook for the next week or so, I could probably put myself out of my misery. Yeah, like that will happen.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Me vs. Octomom....Yeah, I think I could take her

So, although most of yesterday's news was drowned out by some small, insignificant debt ceiling so-called resolution (I kid), there was one bit of information that I ran across that made me forget about the fact that the U.S. almost defaulted on loans and cratered into an even worse economic outlook (yes, I am Debbie Downer):

The Octomom is going to get in a boxing ring. And they're looking for another woman to face off with her.

Seriously, where can I sign up to fight? I'd pay some pretty big bucks to get a good swing at that pouty-lipped mug. And, no I'm really not a violent person, it's just people like her bring out the meanie in me. I probably have a good 40 pounds on her. I guess it really wouldn't be much of a fight. But, I think I'd have fun.

After all that I and all other infertiles have done to responsibly have a child, and her idiot fertility "doc" knocks her up with eight embryos. Now, she's using this pseudo-celebrity status, which is totally undeserved, to get her 15-minutes of fame back, and make some money.

Actually, I think an infertile vs. super-fertile would be a fight a lot of pregnancy virgins would like to see, especially since her hyper-productive uterus was used in an irresponsible way. Imagine all of the angst that we could get out. I think it could be a money-making venture - just like a kissing booth. Pay a buck and get a free swing.

I'm really starting to like this idea.