Thursday, July 23, 2009

A Delayed Reaction

I think the stress and frustration of the last few weeks is finally starting to catch up with me. I still haven’t had a major meltdown after finding out the embryos didn’t stick in our gestational carrier.

I’ve been so proud of myself for keeping it together. I didn’t miss a step after being told The Nest wasn’t pregnant. After I picked my jaw off of my desk from the shock of the negative news, I cried for about three minutes, then realized I had a meeting in less than 10 minutes, so I sucked it up and got it together. I’ve continued to plug along at work, throw myself into my writing and other activities to stay busy and keep my mind off the crappy reality of the embryo transfer not working.

In fact, I have many friends, colleagues and others who have no idea what we’ve been through this summer. I went to get my haircut tonight and my hair dresser asked me what I’ve been up to. It’s not even worth going into it, but yet it was such an important and central part of our lives for so long. And, if they knew what was going on, my occasional acerbic tongue and bad moods could be easily forgiven.

However, I have been in a terrible mood most of the day and can’t quite snap out of it. After I got behind a car driving too slowly down the highway, I exploded with expletives. When someone asked what I thought was a stupid question via email, I belted out a tirade under my breath. And, God help Jack Bauer or anyone else if they cross me tonight. Fire will be expelled from my mouth.

I need a break. I need a vacation. Soon.

10 comments:

  1. i'm sorry for the BFN with your GC. i cannot imagine. breaks are always warranted. take it easy...

    kerri

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  2. I am so sorry about your Nest's BFN. We too have started the adoption paperwork and we are also looking at Vietnam. But our road in that direction will be years away (Irish system!). Doing ICSI meanwhile also not doing too well, but maybe this time..

    love, Fran

    *ICLW*

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  3. Sorry about the BFN. You deserve a vacation! It sounds like you have been through the ringer.

    Thank you for commenting on my blog, BTW.

    ICLW

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  4. I'm so sorry. I hope you get a vacation very soon.

    ICLW
    makingmemom.blogspot.com

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  5. Sorry about the BFN, and it so sucks how the world continues like everyday life (even if they don't know..).
    Hope you get your much deserved vacation soon!
    ICLW

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  6. So very sorry!

    I completely know what you mean by 'sucking it in'...that is how most of my bouts end.


    ICLW

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  7. I am so sorry you got a BFN with your GS. It truly sucks and I can totally understand finally snapping.

    ~ICLW

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  8. Happy ICLW!

    I hope you're feeling better today and nobody crossed your path. I'm so sorry The Nest got a BFN. That's no fair at all. Sending you lots of love and peace.
    *HUGS*

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  9. I hope you get a vacation very soon.

    HUGS!

    Stopping by for an ICLW visit...
    No. 95: The Unfair Struggle (male-factor infertility, good friends, neighborhood rumblings)

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  10. trying to schedule a vacation yet this week! Thanks for all the warm thoughts.

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