Thursday, July 22, 2010

Soothing the savage beast

I haven't had a very good week - it's all adoption related. More delays, more questions, more heartache. I take most of the adoption bad news much worse than I ever did when I get negative HPTs or betas because our adoption was pretty much supposed to be a done deal. And, all along, I have been realistic about my changes to get pregnant.

With all of the frustration and sadness that I'm feeling right now, I harken back to my failed ovulation induction and IVF cycles that didn't work. The feeling of being tired all of the time, keeping my head down so that I don't have to say "hello" when passing someone in the hall in my office, weeping at radio commercials of a private school discussing their commitment to a child's imagination.

And, while I don't think my bad moods are particularly constructive, I do think it's good to get it all out.

However, I also think there is something to be said for indulging yourself and doing something fun to take your mind off of things. Food and alcohol quickly became some of my therapies of choice. My preference: Oreos and white wine (chardonnay). I didn't say I had the most sophisticated taste, but I will say that polishing off a sleeve of Oreos and half a bottle of wine would make me happy for that moment.

The other quick fix for me was retail therapy - buying something I wanted with no abandon. This was typically not a great idea because infertility treatments were always at last $3,000 and some were up to $14,000 a piece. So, the last thing I needed was a $250 purse. Again, it made me feel a little better.

One of my favorite and most constructive things that makes me feel better is horseback riding. Horses are truly therapy to me - grooming them, cleaning stalls, riding, the smell of alfalfa. I love it all and it makes me feel good for a long period of time.

One girl I know even bought a BMW in her fertility-induced haze to ease the pain.

So, infertiles, what do you do besides cry when you get a negative result? How do you soothe the beast? Skydive, watch a rocom? Let me know!


  1. Food, drinks, and coffee were huge for me. BFN equaled a coffee drink on the way to work. And then comfort food of some sort, chips and dip are my normal vice. My favorite alcoholic drink to indulge in was one I made up: vodka, kahlua, frangelico, milk, topped with cream soda. It tastes like a vanilla milkshake.

    Of course, now that TTC is over for us, I'm trying to lose the BFN diet weight that I gained. The effects of infertility are never-ending.

  2. For bad adoption news, I actually bought more stuff for the baby (in particular, cloth diapers). For BFNs I found therapy in (at first) going onto the message boards and (later) blogging.

  3. Definitely alcohol and food. Not the worlds most constructive solutions, but they work. Oreos and an ear massage have been my work time relaxation methods of choice.

    Also, buying lots and lots of expensive, beautiful soft yarn that I have no immediate plans to knit! But, it is just so soft and gorgeous and makes me happy!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  4. ICLW - We have gotten lots of adoption bad news lately. Mainly in the form of the birth father changing his mind at the last minute (after we had already flew 1/2 across the country and spent time with the baby) and after building a 3 month relationship with him and birth mom (who did not want to change her mind), but did anyway. Then I had previously had all the bad IVF's and ectopic. The past two years have just been a joy of endless crap. ;) So what do I do? After 1st IVF I drank and started taking Xanax (not exactly recommended but I have very high anxiety so I started it back up as soon as that bad phone call came in), after 2nd IVF drank again, took a vacation to Florida, oh yeah and we got another puppy (#2) after the 1st IVF failed. This time around we ran off to Memphis as soon as we flew home as it was cheap and within driving distance of our home (although I was really trying for Hawaii :)). Now I have been in therapy, journaling, packed up every single baby item in the house and put it all where I can't see it, still taking my Xanax, and mostly just being really pissed off. I want to spend money but I just can't justify it since our families are helping with the adoption and we are back waiting once again. Although I am swearing up and down that if there is no baby in this house for Christmas this year, I will be boycotting and going to Vegas instead. :) I hope your next week is better and that you get some better news. Hang in there.

  5. Food and alcohol help ease the the sting for me as well. But also shopping, hiking and spending hours reading IF blogs.

    Good post, I love that you are trying to find the lighter side of it all!

    ~Happy ICLW!

  6. Food and alcohol was something I used, now that my weight has ballooned and I am trying to get healthy I am finding that Yoga and mediation are really helping to soothe my soul

    Good luck on your journey to adoption!

    Happy ICLW!

  7. Booze.

    I wish I was one of these women who just has to go out for a run to clear their heads, but no, I find myself on the sofa necking a bottle of beer.

  8. I'm like you, food and retail therapy always helps. My cats always make me smile. I also like watching old reruns of the Golden Girls (Sophia is my favorite character, she's such a hoot). I hope you get some better news with regard to the adoption.

  9. Hmm well I'm an emotional coffee drinker, so I'll brew a pot and drink the whole thing in one sitting (no big deal). Something about the warm liquid going down, its comforting.

    Also I'm an emotional shopper and Kohl's is just across the street from where I live.

    Sometimes just a funny, stupid movie like Galaxy Quest or Dodgeball cheer me up. Or a Friends marathon.

    And if none of that helps I find that stuffing your face with chocolate preferably with a 3 Musketeers bar or Twix does wonders.

    I hope better news comes soon.

    Happy ICLW

  10. I'm so going to try the oreos and chardonnay! Currently, I simply suppress the beast and cry behind a closed bathroom door. And, hope next month will be different.