Back when I was a young newlywed and didn't know about my fertility challenges, I always said I wouldn’t try to have a baby after turning 35 since that was too old. Little did I know.
I just had my 38th birthday (and my 13th wedding anniversary), and I’m technically still trying, albeit, not trying that hard. We’ve given up on the hard core fertility treatments (ran out of embryos, money and, let's face it, hope) and are now just keeping it to the ol’fashioned nookie-in-the-sack. No more worrying about peak fertile days, either.
It’s funny how your perception of what’s old changes the more you age. I can’t say for sure when or if I’ll be a mom, but I’m cool with trying for at least another year or so. After all, I’ve waited this long.
Still, it makes me feel crappy when I think about people ten years younger than me with newborns and my girlfriends who have kids who are in middle school.
And, I still feel young. Heck, half the time I can't remember how old I am anyway. In some ways, I feel like I've been 29 for several years. But, I also don't want to be the oldest parent in my kid's class, either. I don't want to show up at his high school graduation using a walker or showing his date a trick with my dentures (OK, so I am now overexaggerating), but you get the picture.
And, I do believe there is a point when it is completely irresponsible to give birth - those closer to a grandmother's age than a mother's age, should definitely reconsider.
If I have to wonder if it's my diaper or my kid's that needs to be changed, I'm too old to be a "new" mother.
What I saw at work the other day from a 19 year old trial witness:
ReplyDeleteQ: Can you tell us the age of the person you saw do xyz?
A: He was...like, old.
Q: Well, old means different things to different people. What do you means by old?
A: Like...fifty.
::raucous laughter from almost exclusively 50+ jury::
I hear you - 35 is now just a (rapidly approaching) number.
ReplyDeleteI also feel like I've been 29 for several years. Or at least 30, because that was when I had my little experience with cancer, and I feel like it stole 2 years of my life. So I don't quite feel my age now.
I can totally relate to your post. I'm 37 and I wonder if I'm too old. My husband has more of a complex because he's 54 years old and feels like he'll be seen as a grandfather, rather than a father. Although our ages are a challenge, we feel young at heart, so at this stage, we are committed to keep trying.
ReplyDeleteYou are not too old, unless you decide you are. I was 35 when I had my son, and while it is true that I am often the "oldest" mom, I don't feel that way. I am actually trying to have a second child, and while this has gone on MUCH longer than I had hoped, life doesn't always go according to script! Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteyeah, that saying 'age is a state of mind' was clearly made up by a young person - full of misguided youthful enthusiasm. but it's all relative...put it in perspective and don't let it get you down too much. and hey, isn't it nice the fertility pressure is off somewhat now?
ReplyDeleteI just turned 40 and my husband will be 44 in January, we have a 5 year old. Yes, we are the OLDEST parents among her class. However, we are also the ONLY ones with higher education and financial stability. We are past the "tons of overtime" days which allows for more family time and enjoyment. I look at it this way; We are all like a fine wine, aged to perfection. (not that we're perfect!) Motherhood does not come with instructions OR an expiration date..Good Luck
ReplyDelete