I've often puffed my chest out and bragged about how my boobs still look great at 38 years and how it will take me much longer to have a leaky bladder than my fortunate fertile friends. If I'm not going to be able to get pregnant, then I want to reap the rewards of not having hemorrhoids or stretch marks across my abdomen.
However, I currently have two "symptoms" of pregnancy that I would rather not.
First, even though I have a large pair of birthing hips and sizable thighs (which I argue help me run half-marathons. Anyway...), I have always had a rockin' flat stomach. No six-pack, but no flab, either. Except that right now, there is what appears to be a three- to four-month pregnant belly - and no, there is not a bun in this oven. It's fat.
I guess I can blame the stress of our adoption on it and the fact that I can justify eating ice cream or making some break and bake cookies because we got bad news. I weighed less in China because I couldn't get all of the wonderfully processed food of the good ol' USA, but now that I'm back - I can go back to binging on Oreos and cheese-flavored popcorn.
So, I will be doing a major overhaul to my eating and trying to find a new way to deal with my tension (and I do workout, so maybe I now need two-a-days). And, I will start doing sit-ups like there's no tomorrow.
The second lovely physical issue is that my right arm has been falling asleep and going numb while I sleep. It's quite painful and a little scary. I talked to a massage therapist about it and she confirmed that I had quite a bit of tension in an area that would impact this. She also said that it's something that happens to pregnant women a lot because of the way they carry their weight and slump their shoulders more forward than normal.
So, there you go. All of the crap without the benefit. Wasn't there a beer commercial with some similar tag line: All of the taste and none of the guilt?
Of course, I'd be happy to have both of these symptoms and many more like morning sickness, swollen feet, and dirt cravings if I could get pregnant.