Throughout the many, many years of trying to conceive and fertility treatments, most of the support from family and friends was for me, even though Jack Bauer was hurting, too. I don't think it was intentional, but as wanna-be moms, we usually get the emotional support and the wanna-be dads just get a hardy pat on the back. That's wrong.
It's happened throughout our adoption process, too. That's three years of the same thing. Now, most men can be tough nuts to crack emotionally, but even a "you doing OK?" can go a long, long way.
Father's Day won't be easy again. I think this is the 6th or 7th one where we totally expected to have bio babies or our darling adopted son with us. And, I know that Jack will feel will no different than how I felt on Mother's Day. It sucks. I wish I was with my little boy making daddy breakfast in bed, going for a hike and wrapping up the day with a barbeque.
This year the pain might be eased a bit thanks to my amazingly thoughtful 12-year old niece. She's spending the week with us and has declared tomorrow "Uncle's Day" and wants to do something special with her Uncle Jack. She thinks it's a crime that her fun uncle doesn't get his own day. This is the same sweet girl who had a "Best Aunt Ever Day" for me three years ago when she thought it was a travesty that I didn't have a day of my own. What a kid!
Besides, Jack Bauer is more of a dad than most. His commitment to our little boy trapped in Vietnam is incredible - engaging Senators, writing letters and briefing books, organizing paperwork, making calls, etc. He is tireless in the fight for our Nate and has done more than many fathers ever do for their kids.
Props, too, to the waiting dads who give us infertiles shots in our rear ends, buy us ice cream when we're moody and don't care when we put on weight and have acne break outs from all of the fertility drugs. And, don't forget all of the masturbating into plastic cups - guess it's not as fun as it seems.
It's hard to say "Happy Father's Day" to all of the trying-to-be-dads because it probably won't be too joyous, mostly bittersweet. Go out and do something fun and know that you're not alone.