Why wasn't this around when I was going through treatment?

For the last two days, I feel a little like the Infertility Enquirer - delivering the latest infertility news.

There is a new test that some researchers at Stanford University have created that can help determine the success of IVF. It factors in several different criteria like uterine condition, hormone levels and embryo development. According to the Reuters story, the researchers "have founded a new company called Univfy to develop and commercialize the test. The company has licensed the technology from Stanford and has applied for a patent. It is seeking U.S. Food and Drug Administration approval to market the test by this fall."

Another interesting tidbit of info in this article was that there are more than 80 million infertile women worldwide.

I could've saved tens of thousands of dollars if this test was out back when I was doing my IVFs. Of course, it wouldn't surprise me if, in my lifetime, a homegrown uterus is developed and babies are created in pods a la Gattica.

A $1.2 billion market

Yes, "B" as in billion. I just read an article about a deal between two biotech companies that are working on a biosimilar follistim drug that hopes to be better than the current medication. As I understand it, biosimilars are "follow-on" drugs that can be made after a drug's patent expires.

The company said, "this product offers significant commercial advantages over currently available pen injectors in terms of patient convenience, safety, and ease of use.”

That's great and all - in my opinion, the more good drugs on the market to help, the better. I guess the stunning part to me was the fact that the infertility drug market was so large. And, that's just for the drugs. Imagine what it is when you factor in all of the tests, procedures, hospital bills, acupuncture, etc.

Personally, I would rather have a baby and a bunch of money to take a bath in vs. all of the liquid that I injected in my body that didn't work (and will probably make me grow a beard when I'm 80), the $$$ worth of blood drawn to check a hormone level, and the oodles of Ben Franklins that it cost to hire surgeons and anesthesiologists for ectomies of various natures and egg retrievals. And, it really is depressing to think about the fact that I could've bought a plane ticket to Hawaii for the cost of five years of pre-natal vitamins and negative HPTs.

I once bestowed the virtues of buying HPTs and ovulation test sticks at the Dollar Store. Really. If you're lucky, your Dollar Store carries them. The HPTs that I've found there are pretty clunky and the directions are only in Spanish, but I'm pretty sure that the language of one-line is universal. Besides, if I'm going to get a negative result. I'd rather take the $12 I saved on the Dollar Store test, and buy something like a bottle of wine or 5 pounds of Twizzlers to soothe my crappy mood from bad news.

Too young to be a grandma

This goes in the "you've got to be kidding me" category. So, get ready.

My sister works for an orthopedic surgeon/rehabilitation group. She texted me earlier today and said that she just had a patient come in who is 5 months older than me (I am currently 37 years and 9 months old) and HAS A GRANDCHILD!!!

A few posts ago, I commented about women having babies in their old age, which I believe is completely irresponsible and ridiculous. I even think I mentioned that people who are old enough to be a grandmother, should not be giving birth. Guess I need to eat those words.

I know that I'm not exactly a young babe anymore, but I'm also not an effing granny.

So, so wrong. On so, so many levels.

Lurking in my bathroom vanity drawer

I just went looking for some triple antibiotic cream for a little cut on my face (I sound attractive, don't I?). I dug through two different drawers full of expired prescriptions, hair products missing the spray nozzles, some bikini wax that I'm too scared to try, and various tubes of half-used lotions that I have probably had since the Clinton administration.

And then, beneath a box of mineral-based make-up, I found an old box of Crinone progesterone gel complete with a bright green "for vaginal use only" sticker (just in case I decided to squirt it up my nose or in my ears.)

"Hello, old friend," I thought to myself. "My how you have failed me."

I picked up the box and checked the expiration date, and it still has about six months left, but it's been more than two years since I was using it during an IVF cycle.

I'm pretty sure I kept it in case I knew of anyone who was going through fertility treatments. I think it cost at least $50 for the box, so I was hoping to save someone some money. I once offered it to some people at a Resolve meeting, but they all looked at me funny. What?! I'm just trying to put some more bucks in your pocket instead of into your, um...well... you know.

So, there it sits. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away, knowing that it still has some life left. So, if there's anyone out there who could use it, let me know and I'll be happy to mail it to you.

I never did find the antibiotic cream for my cut.

Pregnant at 70?!?!?!

Back in the U.S., I've found that I've missed loads of good TV. For those of you following along, I am a bit of a TV junkie. So, imagine my horror when flipping through the channels tonight and finding a show called "Pregnant at 70." Seriously?

I'm roughly half that age, so I can't say how I will feel when a few more decades pass me by, but I'm pretty sure that I will give up on having a biological a child way before then.

Why do you want to be a grandmother or great-grandmother's age when your child is born? Now, I'm the first one to say that 40 is the new 30, and 50 is the new 40, etc., but I really don't think that 70 is an appropriate age to give birth.

And, at least the cases mentioned on this show, they were all IVF babies. It would be a little different if they were conceived naturally, but this was a conscience decision by fertility doctors and the parents to go for it.

Of course, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm jealous of these antique uteruses. How the heck can they carry a baby and I can't? I didn't think they'd have any eggs left.

Modern medicine can be an amazing thing, but I'm not sure if this is where I want to see it go. I'd rather that they focus any reproductive research on those of us under 42.

And, I've Tivoed "I didn't know I was pregnant" or whatever that show is called, so stay tuned. You've got to be kidding me with that one.