Thursday, May 20, 2010

Infertility as a excuse for attempted murder

Have you guys heard about this one? A former TV chef (though I've never hear of him, of course, I am far from what one would call a cook), tried to pay a couple of homeless men to off his wife. He said she was so distraught over the fact that she couldn't get pregnant that she wanted to die. And, I guess he was wiling to pay some guys $1,000 to help her do so.

Besides the fact that this is disturbing and creepy on multiple levels...

Really? Using infertility as part of your non-guilty plea. I'm also not an attorney, but you just blew any hope of having a infertile on your jury acquitting you, pal. And, in the face of the other 6 million infertile women out there, you are guilty in our court of public opinion, too.

There are many things that I've wanted to do as a result of not being able to conceive, but none of them are illegal and most of them involve a tub of ice cream and some retail therapy.

I haven't heard the other side of this story yet, but will have to do some research and report back. I wonder what the woman is saying right now, and hope she kicks him to the curb.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Words from Jack

Hey everyone - Jack Bauer here. I have read my lovely wife's blog and I have come to the conclusion that most of the readers on this are women. Even though
this condition seems to affect the woman more than the man, I wanted to
give you some insights into what the man is thinking on this journey
called infertility:

1. We still love you. Most men that I know didn't look at a woman's
hips when they first met to judge her baby making potential. We love you the
person, not you the baby factory. Please remember that fact. Insecurity
is an ugly emotion and if you start acting that way it will actually
exasperate the problem. Remember, this is what the priest, minister,
rabbi, Krishna was talking about when he/she said in good times or in
bad. Some men can't get past this - but if they blame you for something that
you have no control over - is that the sort of character you want your kid's
dad to have anyway?

2. We don't understand mood swings. I know that many of us have dealt
with crazy emotions when you have gone through your period, but I will
be honest, we are completely unprepared for this new level of craziness
that results from hormone shots as well as the general anxiety about
pregnancy. Please understand that we are trying to do the best we can and we are
sorry we got the smooth peanut butter when you specifically said chunky.

3. We wish it was our fault. There were so many times that I wished
that my boys were slow swimmers or couldn't stop for directions. The worst
times in our journey have been when I have seen the pain in her eyes
when she felt that she let me down. She didn't. Her body did. I wish I
could take the guilt from her and put it on me. Hell, 39 years of Catholicism
and a passive aggressive mother? I am immune to guilt :)

4. We still love you.

5. Men want to fix things. We feel so incredibly powerless in this
situation and it drives us crazy. Especially if you man is like me in
that I never want my wife to be unhappy and want to do everything in my power
to prevent that from happening. It kills me that I can't fix this and make
her happy.

6. Some men love to be involved in the most intimate details of your pH
levels, mucosity flows and the timing of your period. Some men (like
me) do not. Much as your eyes glaze over when we tell you about our great
trade in fantasy football, some of us are unable to muster the interest.
Please understand that this does not mean we aren't interested or don't
care - we just don't think at that level of detail

7. We hate your friends who constantly talk about their kids, too

8. It hurts us too. I will be honest, in the 5 years (wow - has it
been that long?), I have had exactly one person in our circle of friends and
family who has asked me how I was doing. My dear sweet mother in law
listened to me for 2 hours bearing my soul in the most raw and emotional
rant I have ever had. We constantly want to be strong for you. We want
to hold you tight and tell you that everything will be all right. We are
men- that is what we do. But every now and again, we just want a little
knowledge and empathy that there are two people in this situation and
even though we don't show it - there is pain in the inside.

9. We still love you and we always will.

Anyway - that is it for me. I have wasted a precious 7 minutes writing
this when I really should have been interrogating somebody with a ball
point pen. There may be a nuclear explosion somewhere, but I thought it
was important to let you all know this as well.

Bauer out!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

A bittersweet day

"Momma said there'd be days like this; there'd be days like this my momma said."

I get Mother's Day. I really, really do. All of the influential moms in my life - #1 my mom, but also, my sister, aunts, grandmother and friends absolutely deserve a day celebrating their motherhood. And, I was thrilled to share the morning with my lovely and sweet grandmother.

But, as the day wore on, I started missing my little boy, 8,500 miles away in Vietnam, and it was hard.

Besides, somehow my dog and cats must have forgotten that it was Mother's Day because I did not get breakfast in bed, not even some cat chow (though my dog did let me sleep in an hour later than usual, so perhaps that was her contribution to a nice day), and they didn't give me flowers or a spa certificate.

I did get a homemade card from my Godson, and a "Happy Mother's Day" from my mom and sister, which meant more than they know. And, my awesome niece and Goddaughter said that I am the 'Mother of Fun'.

Next year i hope that I am awakened by a precious 3 year old wanting to give his mommy a Mother's Day hug and kiss, and that will be enough for me.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

My dog makes me feel like a mom, part 2

So much for being calm, cool and collected...

Although my dog's test results came in negative, my vet told me to keep a close eye on her gums, ears and stomach for any signs of bruising. So, every 12 hours or so, I do an inspection.

Yesterday morning, however, I couldn't tell if the light brown spots on her gums were there when I looked last. So, I loaded her into the car, and drove to the vet. Upon my arrival into the lobby, I freely announced that I was sure I was being paranoid, but wanted a vet tech to humor me. Luckily, the brown spots are normal pigmentation, but I just wanted to make sure.

I thought, "so much for my reserved and thoughtful mothering instincts."

But, when I relayed the story back to my girlfriends last night, a little embarrassed from my overzealous behavior. BFF said, "No, that's being a mom."

Guess motherhood is cut out for me, after all.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

My dog makes me feel like a mom

It's now officially pet week on Fertility Foibles.

My affection for my animals really does go beyond the typical pet-owner relationship. I realize that many people don't understand how pets can feel like children, but in my case, they most certainly do. I have no children of my own, so all of my maternal love is directed toward them (and our sweet Nate in Vietnam) and my niece and nephew.

Tuesday night my mothering techniques were tested by my sweet yellow lab. I came home and found that she had eaten some mouse poison. My typical self would have completely flipped out and been hysterical, but instead, I quickly assessed the situation and got on the phone with the SPCA Pet Poison Control (a wonderful service, by the way, staffed by veterinarians). Thankfully, she vomited most of the pellet up and was treated by our wonderful vet. She will be fine.

But, I was up all night with her, making sure she was breathing. And I stayed more calm than I knew I had in me.

I may not be the mom of a human yet, but my dog sure made me feel like one. Next time, I'd rather she do something a little less dramatic to conjure up the maternal feeling -- something like talking back to me or not doing her homework.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Adding cats instead of kids

Sorry for being incommunicato, but I have been traveling almost non-stop for three weeks. I'm in the U.S. right now, and am loving it! Just one more trip to China and then back to the States for good! I have really enjoyed being in Asia for the last seven months, but I'm ready to be home.

About two months ago, we added a new member to our family - cat #3 (appropriately named Sanmao, which means third cat in Chinese and nothing to do with the former evil communist champion). We adopted him in Shanghai since we missed the presence of an animal in our lives (at our U.S. home we have two cats and a yellow lab who are being cared for my a wonderful house/pet sitter), and decided we could bring him back with us. This also means that we are one cat shy of being what Jack Bauer and I consider being crazy cat people. The crazy part may already be true.

Several months ago, I pondered the significance of the great number of infertile people who have cats. I wondered if there is a direct correlation between owning cats and being baby-making challenged. I think this warrants some research by the NIH or at least the Humane Society or an investigative report by Cat Fancy.

A couple of theories here, mind you, I am not a scientist or a psychologist, but indulge me a bit:
1. My cats are so happy being "only" children that they have some kind of curse on my uterus that renders me infertile.
2. There is something in cat dander, pee or poo that escapes into the air that deems some people infertile.
3. Infertiles who want children have a lot of love to give, so they have furbabies to parent, spoil and adore, until the human version arrives.
4. They're so upset by being spayed, that they curse your uterus so that you can't have babies, either.
5. The hours of cats sitting on my lap and making biscuits on my stomach over the years has smashed my uterus into an inhabitable place for a embryo to grow.

I'm pretty sure that the answer is #3, but I think it's still worth some research. I will happily sign up to be studied.

Any other theories?