Is this normal?

Several years ago, I was an expert on baby showers because I gave and attended so many. I could belt out an awesome brunch menu, find the cutest invitations and tell you about the must-have jogging stroller.

As time passed and I wasn't having any of these celebrations of my own, I would make excuses as to why I couldn't attend them. You know, ones like: I had to wash my hair; the Queen had invited me over for tea; and that I might disrupt a party by stabbing the mom-to-be in the rear end with a fork (I promise I'm not a violent person, but all of the baby birthing was really getting to me at one point).

Anyway, I know showers feel more like monsoons to infertiles, and I totally think it's acceptable not to go, good excuse or not.

However, a younger friend of mine who seems to be attending bridal and baby showers every other weekend told me that she printed off a baby registry recently which included nipple/breast pads and nipple cream for a breastfeeding mom. Really?!?! Is that normal? She told me she thought that was like having condoms on a wedding registry. I don't ever recall seeing those items on a gift list, nor would I ever buy them for someone.

Actually, she played a trick on her husband by circling those and a few more items from the list she printed out and asked him to go pick up the gifts for her. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the breastfeeding paraphenalia.

I think those are just things the waiting mom should get on her own. Ever see any inappropriate things on a gift registry?

How old is too old? Remix

Back when I was a young newlywed and didn't know about my fertility challenges, I always said I wouldn’t try to have a baby after turning 35 since that was too old. Little did I know.

I just had my 38th birthday (and my 13th wedding anniversary), and I’m technically still trying, albeit, not trying that hard. We’ve given up on the hard core fertility treatments (ran out of embryos, money and, let's face it, hope) and are now just keeping it to the ol’fashioned nookie-in-the-sack. No more worrying about peak fertile days, either.

It’s funny how your perception of what’s old changes the more you age. I can’t say for sure when or if I’ll be a mom, but I’m cool with trying for at least another year or so. After all, I’ve waited this long.

Still, it makes me feel crappy when I think about people ten years younger than me with newborns and my girlfriends who have kids who are in middle school.

And, I still feel young. Heck, half the time I can't remember how old I am anyway. In some ways, I feel like I've been 29 for several years. But, I also don't want to be the oldest parent in my kid's class, either. I don't want to show up at his high school graduation using a walker or showing his date a trick with my dentures (OK, so I am now overexaggerating), but you get the picture.

And, I do believe there is a point when it is completely irresponsible to give birth - those closer to a grandmother's age than a mother's age, should definitely reconsider.

If I have to wonder if it's my diaper or my kid's that needs to be changed, I'm too old to be a "new" mother.

Wistful at a Halloween Festival

We visited with some dear friends who live out of town this weekend, and on Saturday went to their son's school Halloween Festival. All of the kids were dressed in their Halloween costumes and played in jump houses, did pony rides, and ate carmel apples.

It was a beautiful, crisp day. Kids were running everywhere, strollers were all about and parents were smiling and revelling in their kids' happiness. And, then Jack Bauer and I looked around at what we were missing. Kinda sucked.

I know that behind the scenes not all of these families were leading the charmed lives that appeared in that two-hour moment at the Halloween festival, but it sure looked nice. And, we were a little jealous.

We imagined Nate dressed up as a knight or Harry Potter, instead of living in an orphanage where he doesn't get proper attention or nutrition, and kept tears from forming in our eyes.

After we left, we were able to go downtown and shop, eat, and went to a concert. We didn't get back to our hotel until 2am, and didn't have to worry about our kids being with a sitter.

Still, we decided we'd rather be at home trick-or-treating with kids than at a concert.

I knew I was on to something

So, I've written several rants or bitch sessions about frustrating fertile Facebookers. I know from your comments that many of you feel the same way about people who document every milestone of their pregnancies and post pictures of their children every ten minutes.

This totally annoying practice has made national headlines over the weekend. I found this article in the Washington Post about infertiles who are driven mad by pregnacy promoting people, even defriending baby makers for a while.

Just call me your trend-setting, cutting-edge infertile.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/24/AR2010102402642.html

Yet another slam from baby makers - they're smarter?

I'm really not happy about the medical news for infertiles this week. First was the study that showed that women who don't give birth have a greater risk of getting breast cancer than those who do. My message: check those boobs.

Adding insult to our injured uteruses: A new study shows that new moms' brains get biggger after giving birth. Huh?

Apparently, researchers have found that there is a growth of gray matter in the brain of pregnant women. The theory is that the fertility hormones expand the brain in the key areas necessary for the care of a child like reasoning, comfort, etc.

I take issue with this idea - medical or not. I am sure that I have more mom skills than lots of birthing women. I am a rockin' mother to three cats and a mischievous Labrador, and I have been fighting hard to get our son home from Vietnam by engaging with Senate office, writing letters, documenting our case, etc., etc. I would walk through fire for Nate, and I have never been pregnant.

Besides, I totally question the intelligence/good judgement by the Octomom or Duggermom and they've had enough kids for all of us. Perhaps after giving birth to an extreme number of kids the intelligence level reverses.

In any case, even if I don't get smarter because I can't make a baby, at least I won't get hemarroids, swollen feet or stretch marks.