Thursday, October 14, 2010

Birth and pregnancy announcements

OK - this one is quick before I forget.

So, there is a double edged-sword when it comes to fertile Facebook friends... As I've written before, it drives me absolutely bananas when people write every little detail of their pregnancy as their status, but I just discovered a new annoyance: the birth announcement of someone that I didn't even know was pregnant!

OK, so you may say, "then, Lu, why are you even friends with someone that you don't know well enough to realize she is prego?" I'm not sure I have a good answer, but I do like that we can connect with people we really like, or were good friends with at one point, and distance or some other circumstance that is no fault of either party got in the way of talking to that person more frequently than seeing Facebook updates.

And, truly I completely appreciate the fact that she didn't post status updates detailing swollen feet or lack of sleep from a kicking fetus. Still, it was a strange blow, even though I truly am happy for their family.

Last week, one of my best friends told me she was pregnant with her third. And, because she fully admitted that she didn't really want to have to tell me because of all of our issues, and that I was one of the first people that she told, it made me love her all the more and not be resentful. I loved that she didn't walk on egg shells with me - she just came out and said it. And, my heart was bursting with happiness for her and her family.

Hearing about birth and pregnancy announcements can be tough on infertiles, especially depending on which of many moods we're in.

What's the best or worst way someone told you that she was pregnant?


  1. Hey Lu! Just stumbled across your blog last week! I think all of us infertiles can relate to the whole FB pregnancy junk. It stinks to have all this great fertile news thrown in your face everyday!
    A college friend whom I talked to every few months (and knew of our struggle with infertility) told me she was pregnant was by sending me a Christmas card with a picture of her 3 month old baby enclosed. I had no. clue. she was even expecting. Here's the kicker: The baby's middle name is also my middle name- it's a pretty uncommon spelling and middle name. Needless to say, I no longer speak to this person. On the same day, my best friend got to share the news that she was pregnant. It was an overwhelmingly bittersweet day.

  2. One of my once upon a time best friends found out I was pregnant via FB. She stopped responded to phone calls & emails and never made an effort to reconnect so I just left the ball in her court and moved forward. When I announced on FB I was pregnant I'm not sure if she was surprised or not. She said congrats and that was all I heard from her.

    It felt odd calling her up out of the blue to tell her I was pregnant when we hadn't spoken in MONTHS about anything more than "Hello how are you?"

  3. I was gutted that a friend waited until the 12 week mark had passed before telling me she was pregnant. In any other circumstances I would have been fine but I was the ONLY one she waited to tell. She said she didn't want to put me through that if she had mc'd so was waiting to make sure because no point in upsetting me if the baby didn't stick. I was really upset by this as felt more upset for having been kept in the dark than anything. If she'd told me with everyone else I would have been able to handle it better but no one likes having secrets kept from them, no matter how much they might hurt the other person. As it was, I did avoid her for awhile because I was so hurt by the approach but then she lost the baby at 22 weeks and I felt awful for not having been there previously. I think you are absolutely right, honesty is the best policy! I remember a friend finding out her best friend was pregnant via text because her friend didn't want to 'deal' with her disappointment. Now, THAT is worse!

  4. For the moment, I don't have any close friends that are pregnant (either they're single or not ready yet). I see a few announcements on FB, but it doesn't really bother me (for the moment). If it does, on my news feed I would eventually click on "remove" and if the person got really obnoxious and posted every little detail each day, I would probably click on "remove friend."

    FB should create a privacy setting, allowing us to avoid news about pregnancies for us IF. Wishful thinking ;-)

  5. I've left facebook because I don't want to have to deal with the announcements (and all the people who insist of using pictures of their children as profile pics).

    I got a funny email from a friend yesterday telling me she was going to start trying to get pregnant. She wanted to let me know so that I wouldn't be shocked if she had to announce her pregnancy to me. I loved her for it - although it was a bit odd!

  6. I counted the other day - I have 6 friends on FB who are currently pregnant. I have not counted the ones who have either recently had a baby or had one earlier this year. It's most of them. So on any given day, my entire news feed can be about babies/pregnancy depending on how any of these moms are feeling. This is when I start to feel like I need a break from Facebook.

    Then yesterday, my dad e-mailed me and my brothers to tell us that our cousin's wife is pregnant. Really, it's all getting to be a bit much for me.

    ICLW #128

  7. Hi there- wonderful blog and I hope you don't mind another follower :) The absolute WORST FB announcement I ever received was from a high school friend of my husband's. I didn't know her very well, but I suddenly had a FB Friend Request from her. Random, I thought, but ok. So I accept and not 10 minutes later, I get a lil FB chat window.

    She: Hi there!!!
    Me: Hi, how are you? Nice to see you on FB!
    She: Guess, what I'm pregnant! We're SOOO excited!
    Me: Congrats, that's really great.

    For 10 minutes she went on about her pregnancy, getting a nursery ready - all this crap- and I hadn't talked to her in close to 2 years and she never once - not ONCE - asked how my husband and I were doing. When she finished ranting I said, "Oh well, isn't that great. Congrats and enjoy your new darling when he/she/it arrives!"

    I defriended her immediately. So very, very rude.

    Anywho, Happy ICLW!
    ~Keiko Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (ICLW #142)