Sunday, November 13, 2011

Wishing my life a-way-ay

I've wanted a child of my own for more than seven years. Over that time, I feel like most of it has been counting in some way or another -- counting days of my cycle, counting the days until I could have a feriltized egg implanted, counting the days until paperwork gets cleared for our adoption, counting how many kids my friends have had over that time period (you don't want to know the number), counting missed birthdays and Christmases of our adopted son, counting, counting, counting.

I've never been someone who wants to wish her life away. I have always been one to live my life to the fullest. However, when it has come to trying to build a family, it seems that it's an impossibility. I have been wishing more than 2,300 days away in hopes that the next morrow would be the one when I would become a mom.

It's not that I haven't done important, fun and worthwhile things over the course of that time; but the 7/10s of a decade has been in a limbo of sorts.

Waiting and waiting and waiting to get pregnant or bring our son home. To say that I've been patient is an understatement. Infertiles and waiting parents are some of the most patient people I've ever known, but sometimes it can reek havoc on even the most sane or tolerant. But, I really hope that they haven't put other parts of their life on hold.

It can be overwhelming and hard to get out of this purgatory. But, my guess is that it will be well worth the wait.


  1. I totally understand. I had to stop putting my life on hold and finally did once I realized we weren't getting pregnant with treatment and decided to pursue DIA.

    Its very liberating to not have to live your life in two week intrevals, or strictly by doctor's appts.

    And while it is liberating, I'm waiting for my new found freedom to be interrupted with a baby in my arms.

    I hope you don't have to wait much longer to bring your son home. (((HUGS)))

  2. I understand. It is very hard to be in limbo. I hope you're not stuck in it much longer. ((hugs))