Saturday, August 15, 2009

Hand me an umbrella. There are too many showers

You wouldn’t think a baby shower could be an emotionally-charged topic, but you would if you’re infertile. I have been to no less than 30 baby showers over the past eight or nine years, including several that I have hosted myself. I know many fertility-challenged women who have a difficult time attending showers, feigning illness at the last minute or conjuring up some other excuse in order to avoid it. Some of them don’t even say that they’ll attend to begin with. I get it. I really do.

But, I also honestly believe in the concept of adoring the mom-to-be with gifts for her and the little one still in utero, and I’m typically happy to attend these blessed events. But what about those of us who have tried harder than most to get pregnant, and still can’t conceive? Why not us? Shouldn’t we be allowed one day in the sun and showered with gifts, too? .

There was a great Sex in the City episode where Carrie Bradshaw, frustrated by all the wedding and baby showers that she has to attend while single and child-free, decides to register for a pair of Manolo Blahniks – and ends up getting them from a friend who was so consumed by her own “childful” world of three kids and a husband that she forgets what it’s like to be in Carrie’s shoes (literally).

I think Carrie was on to something. In my humble opinion, I think we fertility-challenged deserve a brunch in our honor filled with gifts of spa treatments and too-expensive shoes for our extraordinary efforts. Maybe that’s a bit extreme, but think about a little of this injustice for a moment.

Whomever said, “To the victor go the spoils” had it right, I guess. But, I think valiant efforts to procreate should be celebrated, too.


  1. You're a better woman than I am. I won't go to Baby Showers--Just. Won't. Go. Nor do I ever want one even if I became pg tomorrow, but that's another story.

    That being said, I do love the idea of non-baby showers.

  2. I go to baby showers of close friends, but it would be nice if they acknowlegded that it may be a difficult time for us infertiles while we are there, especially if the dreaded "when are YOU going to have kids?" question comes up.

  3. Totally!! A spa day and lots of presents including nice shoes (pre-selected by us) is definitely in order.

    I don't think I'd be able to go to a baby shower - even now that we are expecting, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to go. I just feel different - we bloggidy people been through so much on this journey and I am not sure that others would/could really understand. (As evidenced, for example, by the infuriating "when are YOU going to have kids?" question.) Ugh!!

  4. After a while I told myself and others around me that I would not go to anymore.

    Shortly after that I became pregnant.

    You are strong for being able to attend showers and is ok with it.

    All the best.