A Delayed Reaction

I think the stress and frustration of the last few weeks is finally starting to catch up with me. I still haven’t had a major meltdown after finding out the embryos didn’t stick in our gestational carrier.

I’ve been so proud of myself for keeping it together. I didn’t miss a step after being told The Nest wasn’t pregnant. After I picked my jaw off of my desk from the shock of the negative news, I cried for about three minutes, then realized I had a meeting in less than 10 minutes, so I sucked it up and got it together. I’ve continued to plug along at work, throw myself into my writing and other activities to stay busy and keep my mind off the crappy reality of the embryo transfer not working.

In fact, I have many friends, colleagues and others who have no idea what we’ve been through this summer. I went to get my haircut tonight and my hair dresser asked me what I’ve been up to. It’s not even worth going into it, but yet it was such an important and central part of our lives for so long. And, if they knew what was going on, my occasional acerbic tongue and bad moods could be easily forgiven.

However, I have been in a terrible mood most of the day and can’t quite snap out of it. After I got behind a car driving too slowly down the highway, I exploded with expletives. When someone asked what I thought was a stupid question via email, I belted out a tirade under my breath. And, God help Jack Bauer or anyone else if they cross me tonight. Fire will be expelled from my mouth.

I need a break. I need a vacation. Soon.