I realize that something may be wrong with me that I've been having fun with negative pregnancy tests lately (see Yes, I have a fistful of pregnancy tests), but that's what infertility can do to some people.
My experiment today was with a Chinese pregnancy test. As some of you know, I lived in China for 10 months (just got back to the U.S. in July). Before I left, I wanted to buy a Chinese HPT to see if there was any difference than the U.S. versions, and not that I needed it. Again, this was just for fun; I have no grand ideas that it could have been because sperm actually met egg.
Here's the rundown:
I went into a pharmacy to buy it and had to use some hand gestures around my stomach to get the pharmacists to understand what I was talking about. My Mandarin knowledge does not include any vocabulary about HPTs or "missed periods." Luckily, they figured out what I was saying pretty quickly and directed me back to the one option for an HPT. The name of the test was in Chinese and English which is a good thing, because the name is hilarious: Human Chorionic Gonadotropin Rapid Diagnostic Kit - what a mouthful!
No, not Clearblue Easy or First Response, the actual clinical name for the test. I kind of like that - no glazing over what it is; coming right out and saying what it is.
The test itself looks exactly like any stick test in the U.S. I checked the instructions and they were all in Chinese except for "Human Chorionic Gonadotropin Rapid Diagnostic Kit"; so I just went for it like I would any other HPT.
Disclaimer: I was sure I was NOT pregnant. Again, I was just doing this for a laugh and to educate Americans about Chinese pregnancy tests. After all, I'm sure that's where ours are made.
So, I peed on it and within seconds, a single pink line showed up. I had no idea how long I was supposed to wait, but it was clear that no other line or "plus sign" was going to appear.
Of course, I didn't consider the fact that perhaps a single line is a positive result in Chinese. Hmmmm... maybe I need to go get a U.S. one and double check.
So, I encourage you to think about all of the useful things you can do with a negative test stick. They make great coffee stirs, as long as you make sure you're using the non-pee end. Have a table that's off balance? HPTs can make a great shim. I figure that I've taken enough over the last six years that I could gather them all up and let my nephew use them to create a model of a fort, instead of using popsicle sticks (I really don't save the damn things, just wanted to give you a visual).
Can you imagine the landfill thats been created as a result of all of the used HPTs?