Saturday, November 21, 2009

Who am I? Not a mommy

Welcome ICWLers.  October was the first month in a long time that I didn't participate in one, but I had a good reason.  I was in Vietnam volunteering at the orphanage where the darling two-year old little boy that we're trying to adopt is.  So, right there, you have a hint at my infertility.  Not a mommy yet, but I have tried and continue to try to change that.

My husband, the dashing Jack Bauer, and I have been trying to get pregnant for more than five years, including:
- he use of acupuncture for fertility
- taking a tonic sludge of ingredients from the health food store
- trying Feng Sui to improve conceptionability
- three follicle stimulating cycles with timed intercourse, nothing like a nurse calling you to tell you when to get busy!
- three IVFs (nine total embryos), no go, even though my RE called all of them "beautiful"
- one IVF cycle with a gestational carrier which didn't work, love my GC, but apparently the last two embies didn't
- and many, many other ideas

After the first IVF didn't work, we decided to go ahead and start the adoption process (almost four years ago).  It's been fraught with bad news after bad news, and we still don't know what's happening with it, but meeting our son was the best thing that's ever happened to me,.  That was followed by the worst thing that's ever happened to me, which was having to leave him at the orphanage.  I am hopeful for the best thing to be trumped by the true best thing ever, which would be us going to go pick him up and bring him home.

And, in the process of having our gestational carrier not get pregnant and contined adoption challenges, Jack and I moved to China!  We decided a few months ago that it was time to shake things up a bit, and sure enough, Jack got a great opportunity with his job.  So, here we are, living in Shanghai.

So far, I love it, and am grateful for the grand adventure it has been and for what it is sure to be for the next nine months (such an appropriate time frame, don't you think?).

Throughout all of this nonsense, the one thing that has kept me somewhat sane (though others may disagree that I have even an ounce of sanity left), is finding the lighter side of infertility, trying to find humor in unusual places.  Besides, I would much rather laugh than cry, and there is plenty of opportunity for tears when you're going through these struggles.

So, in sum, I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend, writer, PR pro, volunteer, runner, equestrian, and many, many more things.  I am not a mommy yet, but I am a lover of my life.


  1. What you amazing! Thank you for sharing your journey and yourself with us here.

  2. What a great post! You are the sum of your chosen path...and not defined by any one part of it. This is an awesome belief to have.

    Hope your trip went well and that you got to see your little boy!

    Happy ICLW!

  3. That's quite a journey you've been through. I hope you get to bring your little boy home soon. Will you be able to bring him 'home' to China, or will you have to wait until you're back in the US?

  4. I sincerely hope your adoption works out. Sounds like you've been through a lot, but you still sound so positive. Kudos!


  5. Amazing journey thus far! China sounds amazing!


  6. Stopping by for ICLW!

    What an incredible journey you've been on! Can't wait to read more about the TCM.

  7. I have really enjoyed reading your blog, thank you so much.

    I hope your adoption works out really soon.


  8. What a full few years you've had! I hope the rest of your adoption goes smoothly.