Tired of Being in Limbo

I just got off the phone with my beloved sister. We were chatting about this week’s news about Nate and the Nest’s pending embryo transfer. And how tough it is to wait, even just a couple weeks, for all these potential baby bringing breakthroughs.

I’ve spent an awful lot of time waiting during this whole five-year process. I don’t mean the actual, entire five-year span, though of course, that is a long time, like one-seventh of my life. I mean the waiting for your period to start (in the case of getting ready to start an IVF, IUI or OI cycle) or waiting for your period not to start (in the case that maybe you’re pregnant). One week you’re shooting up fertility drugs waiting for your follicles to mature, and the next week you’re waiting for the conjoined sperm and egg to divide and conquer into as many cells as possible. Then you’re biding time until the transfer date comes up.

The next ten days you’re waiting for the possibility that maybe, just maybe an embryo stuck -- hoping not to feel cramps or bleed, thinking that your boobs are sore from a possible pregnancy and not from the fertility drugs, praying that the mild nauseated feeling is morning sickness.

If things work out, especially if you’ve had fertility challenges, you’re next waiting for the other shoe to drop and not make it though the first trimester. And if that embryo didn’t stick, you’re back to counting the days until you can try again. All the while, waiting, waiting, waiting.

During my IVF and OI cycles, I became obsessed with my calendar, nervously tracking potential start days, counting backwards from my last cycle, pondering if my upcoming business trip would impact me getting my requisite blood work and ultrasound on time, or if I’d have to wait one more month to give it another try.

Once, a few years ago, I even tracked a cycle while I was in a budget planning meeting at work. Hopefully, no one could make sense of my cryptic scribble and I don’t think that blurted out anything like “Trigger shot on day nine” instead of “Bigger presence of the brand on-line.”

Who knows how long before we know whether we can bring Nate home or not? At least there is a not-too-long timeframe for us to know whether the Nest gets pregnant. T-minus seven days and counting until her last ultrasound to check her lining, 11 days until the transfer and 22 days until the Nest’s beta test.

Patience is a virtue and not one I have.